Will Ya stop hitting the Slow-Mo already???- Jan 31,08

Ah the way loneliness can make one feel. Amazing what it can reduce you to do.
I found myself aimlessly woundering the isles of walmart comparing and contrasting the stripes on bathroom towels or the softness of Charmin vs Southern Quilted. gee, have I become that consumed with the ever so demanding task of staying pre-occupied?

Seriously you would think I would have nipped it in the bud by now, and slowly but surely I am. I'm still burying my head in that book with the ice cream pale on the cover searching for ways to gain solice and peace of mind. (which quite frankly only makes me think of things that much more, but in a more comical light.)

Time is moving at a very, very slow pace as if some prankster mashed the slow-mo button and is sitting back giggling at the slurriness.

As much as it takes for me to admit it, I really do hate the sound of saying " I am alone", yet the optimistic side of me keeps reassuring that things will work out and although I may indeed be alone now, it will be worth the wait.
So back I go into the books, the isles of bathroom towels, and endless nights at the gym.
At least I can say one good thing does come from me being hurt, I always do end up in the best shape afterwards! hah. a little self medication never hurt anyone no?

Although he is in one place and I am in another and where I am is where I'd like for him to be, I can't help but have a false sense of hope, maybe because I know in my heart that I was what he wanted and he was what I needed and such is a rare balance.

Perhaps I am just babbling on, trying to make sense of it all. Procrastinating on healing because I am not ready to be healed......