Seems like ages since I was able to jump on here and pour my thoughts into black & white for alll to see.
I've been living the dream of normalacy, ofcourse, the dream I once swore I would never settle for. I've got a husband, a house with a fence and ofcourse a dog. The southern sterotypical outcome so to speak. But not to say any of this is bad at all.
I'm happy, but misunderstood. Content yet Contemplative.
Love is work. that's for sure.
Im 26 and still searching for my nitch, I sometimes ponder on the shear fact that there just might not be one out there for me.
My house with the fence and dog lacks internet and the window to the world. Funny this can make one feel alienated now a days. I use to be a daily writter, daily "hey how are ya" a daily peek in on what's all around. Now there's no window to peek through except for the few rare occasions I'm able to use someone else's window for a minute or two.
I can't say I've made the best dissicions when it comes to the past, but the past is now just that. If I could I would appologize to many, many people. A few inparticular who didn't deserve the treament I gave and didn't deserve to be tangled in my indessive journey of finding myself. I'm sure if you're reading this, and you've played a part in my life then you know this is for you.
I'm sorry.
A wise man, my grandfather, once told me never hold on to the past, it does nothing for you. does nothing for those around you. It hurts you and hinders you from seeing what's infront of you currently. blindness can be bliss, but blind bliss is ignorance, and ignorance in a modern world is in no way blissful.
He also told me to forgive, letting go sometimes means letting those who have hurt you know that you forgive them. Holding on to these pains only hurts you when the person who hurt you has only moved on from what you haven't. I've been both the trampler and the trampled on. for which now seeing clearly I forgive those who have hurt me, who have caused me pain and heartache, just as a appologize to those I may have hurt or caused the same to.
Life is an interesting game, a game with no rules, no cards, no get out of jail free, no how to's or which ways.
Life is life.
It feels good to be back sitting in the window for just a mere moment. It feels good to speak to those who listen, silently. It feels good to know that some I have hurt are now happy, as everything happens for a reason, safe to say.
It feels good to be me. for now.
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