Ice cream & Robots.-Jan 29,08

Ah yes, tis a tangled web I am always weaving. Tis a tangled self creation that does nothing but get in the way & make me stumble.
down, down, down the ring of fia! the ring of fia! (but of course not the steaming, hott good ring Cash was so lucky to have, but the cluster fak of a bad ju ju ring I find myself face down in)

Oie,stinkin' vay.

My sisters always mock me saying I am a bonified "drama creator", I'd like to think of it more as a motion picture producer. Black and white, with droning characters faking lines over and over. Welcome to my tragic kingdom! All aboard! .. hah, i think not.

Maybe I am just a pessimist hiding behind my comedic forte. Laugh it off right? Shake a leg, break a leg.. something along those lines...
Maybe I am just crazy and just fortunate enough to escape the parrells of a stray jacket and pillow walls.

Of course, I do so love talking to myself when no one else listens. Seems to be the trend I am on here lately. I have isolated myself from everything I had known before, and for what? a waste of freakin' time. Never again, Never again.

Im done for now, it's raining out and Im enjoying the sound of water cascading down my window Paine. =)

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It's said that it's easier to get over a breakup when you let go instead of dwell. Well, I am a dweller from hell and I dwell on things worse than a midget in a rat hole. Not really a good thing, but something I am use to non the less.
I still ask myself that retarded inevitable breakup question "what's wrong with me?" "what did I do wrong?" and always get the same inevitable retarded answer "i have no idea"
geeeezz, you think i would have learned by now. But oh no no, I have not, or perhaps I am just in denial of that fact that I am 25 and I damn sure know better...
So here I sit reading silly pointless novelity books like "It's called a breakup because it's broken" and "He's just not that into you" trying to shed some light on this hollow heartache feeling. A feeling a fled from for the past few years, dodging every chance that came too close for comfort with the only intentions of protecting what mattered.
Myself and my heart.
My hardass gitup has suited me just fine all this time, but then he came along and changed everything. Down the walls went, away went all the broken memories and there it was, ripe for the taking. my heart. I put myself out there, thinking "this is it", no doubt, no regrets, no worries.
Everything was a perfect for awhile, there was nothing questionable about it, everything "just worked" then wham! bam! son of sam all it took was one fight for all of the euphoria to melt and the stone to show.
So back to my sitting and dwelling. It didn't take him long to make plans and run off with his backwoods buddies to drink, something he said he had lost interest in doing and wanted other things more. (hah, are you finding that to be as big of a crock as I am?)
As much as I would like to have some backwoods buddies of my own, I am finding it harder to leap back into the life that was me before. Mainly because I have lost interest in the crowded clubs, nameless faces, and drunken nights. If anything, the only thing good I can say that has come from this is an awakening of what matters. Time to focus, time to grow, time to make myself into that person I want to be.
Forget the over crowded social scene.
Forget the lonely, desperate dating scene.
Time for me. No time for anything else.